Grandpa Leonard & Me

Today I decided to make a beautiful face.

I should really get over my recent obsession with the history of vice in New York City and instead focus on drawing beautiful pictures. I have a few gems that I drew on post-its the other day but I have been too lazy to scan them yet. Woops! Sorry.

I'm not sure when I fell asleep earlier, but when I woke up an hour ago from the nap, I was totally convinced it was time to go to work and that I was late. Isn't it the worst when that happens?!

Please, if you read this, don't send a link to this post to my grandmother. She always gets upset with me for "loving to make ugly faces" and for never "just looking good" in photographs. If I were to tell her that this is a result of my "not being photogenic" she would get angry with me and tell me to stop being so negative. Regardless, I think this is the case - I'm just not photogenic - it doesn't bum me out. People with really expressive faces do NOT generally photograph well. And whenever there's a camera aimed at my face, I freak out and make the weirdest, ugliest expression impulsively. 

Anyway, this is a picture of me taken yesterday. I guess this kind of explains why I haven't "made it" yet as a model. It also, I think, proves that I have no concept of how I look at any given moment, because had I known that my shirt was falling off me, I probably wouldn't have worn it in a professional setting. Hopefully I straightened it out for the rest of the day - HOW THE FUCK DO WOMEN WEAR PURSES? I have so much to learn before I can really call myself a "grown up."

This was the picture taken of me this morning. I realized earlier on how weird I looked and while at work (where both pictures were taken) I drew up this lovely self portrait. This is the one my grandmother cannot see. This drawing. Sorry for being negative, but I can't get over how TURTLE-LIKE I look in this picture, and why is my necklace so crooked? To be honest, I've always thought I dress decently well, but maybe it's time somebody "What Not To Wears" me. These last two pictures are just drawings I did that aren't particularly special, except in that they're the first things I've drawn in DAYS. Office jobs are so much less exhausting than working in retail. It's amazing.

The reason I haven't posted anything in such a long time is because I've been nutty-busy. It's rough. Today I'm going to be an phone operator. I never really saw my life taking that trajectory. But it's okay - I'm just rolling with the punches at this point. At least I'm getting jobs. Busy is so much better than bored.

I miss Michigan.

I didn't draw any of the things in this picture - they're from PictureBox shit (from here and here) - for a little ad on the site for the Fan Forum. As I said, I've been very busy. Today was my first day off since April 25th - which is good, right? That I've been busy? Because that means I've been making money, which means I can pay my rent without depleting my savings account. And that's good.

Anyway, the Fan Forum seems to be working out pretty well. Seems like people are actually getting into it, tweeting about it, etc. I've sort of come to this realization that I need to just have faith in myself and keep doing my thing, because I am hard working, creative, and smart, and eventually these things will help me make my way in the world. It's just a matter of continuing to try, which is exhausting, but worth it.

Yo. Been working my ass off and so I haven't been drawing as much as I'd like. I'm still alive, though. At least I have that. And Jessica.